In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize