I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
