for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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