Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
