She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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