My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
