JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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