So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
