I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
