this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
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She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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