how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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