she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
