i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
