Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am naked and annoyed.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
