my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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