so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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