You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize