thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
