'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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