Moan for me like Helen Keller
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
