If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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