i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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