Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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