Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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