even my farts smell like vagina
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
