somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
