Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
