Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
