I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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