the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
