my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You ruined the universe
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
