Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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