I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
