I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize