It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
