Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
