gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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