my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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