WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
