Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my phone needs a breathalizer
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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