a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
