I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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