Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
