I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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