I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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