i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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