Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
