i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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