I heard we made out
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
