I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize