You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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