Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
