I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
