My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
