I just threw up on my dentist
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
zippers are such a cool invention
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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