btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
